YE OLDE KINGS HEAD

Taxi to Old Kings Head

Not a good start, as usual I'm late and have had to run round to The Anglias house(renamed The Focus) to get taxi.

The Focus and I are joined in the Taxi with new player for blog- Oche tha noo, a foreigner from north of the border. Tonight's match is a short journey down the M5 to the Kings Head in Worle.

Worle is now mostly a housing estate on the edge of Weston-Sinking-Mud, the district town of North Scrumpyshire.

The Focus and Oche at the bar.

Above is rare photo of The Focus at the bar trying to find his wallet while Oche blows the cobwebs away. Watching is one of the opposition who has never see a wallet with five padlocks before.

Tonight's tipple is a favourite, Thatchers Traditional cider(rough). Oche tha noo has gone for the Guinness. I love a pint of Guinness, but when there's Thatch trad on offer, there's no decision. The trad is unreliable as to its alcohol level, but must presume its at least 6%- could be a bit tipsy.

The match gets under way with Gnasher starting for us. He is playing Slow Hand, and despite hitting a 125 and a 100, Slow comes back with a 180 and another 121, and takes Gnasher 2 nil.

Next up is Oche tha noo, up against Bob-H, who proves too tough on this occasion with Oche still suffering the aftermath of southern flu. Apparently it's too cold down here for him. Game On

Katy on third, we're 2 down and need some hope. The Legendary Katy turns back the clock with a 180 to take first leg. In the second leg he hits a 135 and a 125 but loses. In final leg its more Legendary darts, 2x140's and 115 to leave a 16 finish. Stress builds, double 8 required, but Legendary hits double 16, and then does it again on his next return. The Legend feels no pressure and eventually finishes the leg. We are 2-1 down on game.

The Legendary Katy stays on for the first pair and is joined by Gnasher. In a close game they defeat Slow Hand and Show Some Respect, we are 2 all.

Oche and Nellie the Elephant (previously Big stick, but it was a good singalong) are our 2nd pair, but fail to trumpet, and we go 3-2 down. I pair with Murphy the baker, and the flour is flying as Murph wins the bull. Sadly the cake doesn't rise and Murphs struggling. I hit a lucky 180 and Murphy puts the icing on, we 're 3-3.

I'm on in the in the next round of singles against bomber Harris. Under guidance from Gnasher I sneak the 1st leg, lose the second, then completely run out of steam in the last. While, bomber on 130, releases his smart bomb to finish 130 on a bull. My weapons are useless.

Paddy Murphy next, against Show Some Respect. Must be too much yeast for Paddy, and its all over, another defeat. We look to Vlad the Impaler for some glory in the last match, and although she stakes some tons, its another leg lost.

Post Defeat Nosh, egg sarnies still good

After the darts The focus and I take on the locals at pool, and prove to them its not just darts we're crap at, we can lose at pool just as easy.During the pool I seem to have had an extra pint of rough, and that's exactly how I feel for the next 24 hours.

New Section- The Art of Dart.

In the Art of Dart I will attempt to show the artistic side of pub sport. This weeks offering is a still life.

The Conflict.

In the Conflict I have tried to show the confusion between food,(egg sarnies), and Cider. Using the Thatchers pump, and the grub provided by the good of the Kings Head.

Should one eat the egg sandwich before drinking the cider, or should the scrumpy be finished before the food. Its a tale of contamination. The egg, through a process of wash back from the teeth will appear floating in the cider between sips. Although unsightly, this does help to avoid cases of Hamptonitis, or Shammyitis, where your drink mysteriously disappears down anothers throat.

So the solution- Don't Think, Just Drink.

Photo that has just come to light of end of 2009/2010 season, where The Drum and Monkey gain promotion to the Congresbury Premier.

Sadly this would be the last time M3/452 would play for us, moving counties. The scrumpy of Scrumpyshire was to dangerous a draw for him, and he now resides in sleepy Dorset with a pint of homely warm real ale and a pair of slippers.

Gremlins- More Like Mogawai.

Looks can be deceiving

Gremlins- not to be exposed to bright lights, don't get it wet, and don't play it at skittles after midnight.

You wouldn't want to shine a light on this Gremlins skittles team , they're already wet, and we're not worried what time we play them. OK in the film it was don't feed after midnight, but this lot have already eaten all the pies .

Before I get onto the match, a brief update about the last "missing" year.

The Beers changed venue, moving from the Waggon to the Bermuda Triangle club.

The Bermuda Triangle has mistakenly been thought to exist in the Atlantic Ocean, near the West Indies. In fact it is a social club in the centre of Scrumpy Town, "where people disappear, don't go to near!"

Well turns out its true, and we lost M3 and Florence Nightingale. Rumour has it they have surfaced in Dorset, nice county if you like lager, probably with a dash of lime. That's not really fair, they like to think they make cider, but the best ones still have to be imported from Scrumpyshire. But as a neighbouring county, its not bad for the weekend.

Onto the match. The opener of a new season, against a previously successful team that have won the league on numerous occasions, well at least twice, I think.

We start with a new old player, that is he did play for the Beers a few year ago. We welcome back the Organ Grinder , and partner him with Nelson. This should be a strong start, and despite an iffy first down of 5 and 4, both players exceed expectations, both hitting a spare, and ending with 47 a piece. We lead by 30, ssh.

We only got the organ grinder, but I'm hoping the monkey can play darts.
Next up is Guinevere and the Weld. Good play by both players, Guin hitting a spare on the last to score an excellent 46, ("she's a pot hunter"), the Weld 37, and we pull another 2 pins. Ssh.

Although having played for a year with the Beers, it was the missing year, so Tommy Lee Jones is new to the blog. He's partnered with the unpredictable Airbus. Tommy starts with a 3, but picks it up to finish with 39. Airbus takes off, but soon crashes, and with 27 going in to the last we have the chance of losing double figures. But we have confidence in the wings and he gets a 15 spare on the last go to finish with 42. We only drop 5 and are still 27 up.

Lancelot is up next with the model 8, who in the last year has moved onto the Anglia. Both start with 8's, and continue strongly, Lance getting a spare to score 54, taking the pot away from his good lady Guinevere, something that happens at home a lot I understand. Anglia gets a reliable 42, and the pair pull 20 pins. No need to ssh!, its all gone very quiet from the Gremlins end.

Reliable?

I'm on with Toyah(in my dreams) next. We both play well, I score 48 and Toyah 42, we pull another 7 pins. Tonights choice of tipple is Doom Bar.

“The aroma of Doom Bar combines an accomplished balance of spicy resinous hop, inviting sweet malt and delicate roasted notes. The mouth feel is a perfectly balanced and complex blend of succulent dried fruit, lightly roasted malty notes and a subtle yet assertive bitterness. The bitterness remains into the finish with dry fruity notes which implore the drinker to go back for more.” Yes, drunk again.

We're up to the last set, 54 pins up and only having dropped 2 points.Game in the bag, but still 2 points for Chippy and the Wizard to play for.

Suggested safety equipment for Gremlins

Most of the Gremlins have left the building at this stage, with defeat staring them in the face, they have deserted the ship more like rats than Gremlins. Chippy starts well with a 9 and an 8. The same cannot be said for the Wizard who starts with two 4's. Having spent a lot of the evening baiting the Gremlins the Wizard now has their full attention.

"Talks a good f ' game, but can't play for sh'!" Censored. Yes they've found their voice, and are beginning to see 2 points to be gained from the last set.

Chippy increases his game with a spare, but sadly its a 9 spare, and the Gremlins now take out some heavy heckling to put off the Wizard, who after two 4's appears to be succumbing. This is probably the wrong way to put off the Wizard, and after a good dose of his own medicine he's rejuvenated back to the normal venom and hits an 18 spare. The Gremlins are now treated to some apt gestures from the Wiz- I've no sympathy, play with fire etc, they have brought the next 15 minutes on themselves, and as predicted Chippy and Wiz open up with more 8's and 9's. The wiz with hand to ear and " all gone quiet over there!" etc. For the rest of the game there really is nowhere to hide for the remaining Gremlins. Chippy 50, Wizard 48.

New look for Gremlins next year.

We finish with a huge 542 pins scored, and 20 points, dropping just 2 points.
The Gremlins finish- very quietly!Maybe next time we should play them after midnight to give them a chance.

This is closer to the ones we played.

Not a Blockbuster Party.

Scrumpy Town Clink

This is Scrumpy United prison. Many of Scrumpy Towns criminals and some mentally ill reside here. It is also the home alley of The Blockbusters, a team we have had some success over in recent outings. In the longer past we have not been so successful, with the said Blocks putting us out of cup semi finals.

Tonight was also to be Mrs G's birthday, she say's it's her 25th, hmm. All ways round I was expecting a good night, with cake and and some Blockbuster defeat icing on top.

We opened with Merlin and The Weld, and despite both starting with 3's, they both managed to hit a spare a piece, finishing with 39 and 38. We only drop 2 pins, not bad.

Next up was Mrs G and Airbus. We could only hope that Mrs G would hit close to her actual age, however she was a long way off with a middling 35. Airbus failed to get off the runway with 34. The pair drop another 8 pins, and we are 10 down.

Enter Guinevere and Nelson, an interesting pairing, with good form. Guin gets a reasonable 38, and had she not started with a 4, a certain 40 was on the cards. Nelson, in true battling form hits 42, finishing on a 4. Sadly their opposition hit 13 pins more and we are down 23. Lets hope "It is a game of two halves Saint".

2nd half and we open with Lancelot and Toyah, and with big expectations. Lance charges on with a good 42, and Toyah, always good for a spare, hits an excellent 49, pulling back 8 pins, we are 15 down, and 6-2 points down.

I play now with the normally reliable model Y. In a game more akin to 10 pin bowling, I get 54. The model Y seems to have lost its reliability on this alley, hitting a poor 34, and has immediately been replaced with the model 8, originally issued as a 7y. However we have pulled another 6 pins , leaving the anchor set the task of pulling 11 pins. Task too big you may think, but The Blockbusters do not have their normal anchors of Mr Humphries and Captain Peacock.

Mr Humphries,( I know used this one before, but I like it)

Mr Humphries had to wash his hair tonight, and was unable to make the game. Leaving Captain Peacock to partner a new unused player. There's hope then.

Chippy, as ever, was up for this, and with 4x8's and 13 spare, hit a blistering 52. The Wizard swished away, but his wand seemed to have lost some potion, and had to settle for 37. They pulled 6 pins, and another 2 points, but the game went to The Blockbuster by 5 pins.

We lose 16-6. Could have been worse.

On a good note the cake, available from Tescos at £3.99- Party Cake, by Park Cakes, was surpisingly nice.

After the match I had some trouble with Mrs G, explaining she wasn't 25, and people did not want to see her do a birthday pole dance. Despite her protestations, I had to point out there wasn't a pole in sight, he was in fact from Romania.

Crab Stuffing

Stuffed Crab- yum yum.

Crab Stuffing

Ingredients-

A dozen confident crabs

A change of skittle alley

1st match of season

The Beernec's with something to prove

An onion for the crab tears

A lemon for the crabs to suck on after bitter defeat.

Ok it doesn't come much better than this. The Beernecessities have moved venue to the triangle club, our first match is against The Crabs- a nice bunch, not too fishy.

You always wonder how things will go at the start of a new season- few new faces, new alley, how well we'll cope.

This particular night had the added distraction of the summer skittles presentation being held upstairs in the same venue, with some of our players collecting sucess would mean players coming in and out of the alley.

Nelson was due to be upstairs so he decided to play first with Guinevere. This was to set the tone for the match, you could even say decide the match.

Guin hit an excellant 48, and Nelson a cracking 53.

We went 15 pins in front, and from then on never looked in trouble.

The Weld then went on with The Whistler scoring 42 and 41, matching the opposition.

Next up was Merlin, son of Guinevere, and The Terminator. Merlin hitting 38, Terminator 45, pulling another 19 pins to take us 35 in front at the half way point.

"This will be a game of two halves, what they've done in the first, we will do in the second !" Was one of the comments from the crabs. Hmm.

The second half started with myself and Airbus, scoring 41 and 44, and in so pulling another 2 pins.

Our penultimate set of Model Y and Toyah was to be our only loss. Y hit a good 41, however Toyah hit a dismal 28- "its a mystery". We lost 1 pin.

Oh Toyah!

Chippy Minton and The Wizard played the last set, full of money from there summer skittling success, they were quite unstoppable. Chippy starting with a spare, The Wiz with 2 spares, albeit one was a 9. Both players finished with 54, pulling a further 28 pins.

The Crabs crept tearfully, and in a sideways fashion towards the exit, not just beaten, but completely crushed, STUFFED.

Later that night as the summer skittle celebrations continued, a tipsy Chippy Minton was to take to the stage with an enthusiastic, if not particulary tuneful, rendition of Neil Diamonds "Song song blue".

I don't mind him singing, as long as its not the blues for the Beers'.Chippy live on stage at triangle club-song song blue Chippy.

Back By Public Demand

Ok the public were only Katy's wife, Gnasher and Guinevere, but I'm not greedy, bout time I finished off the winter.

Darts- the last two matches were against The Motto and the Blagdon. I've managed to almost forget the night at the Blagdon as it was probably my worst darts ever, well until a couple of weeks ago. The only highlight I remember was Gnasher's good lady-Vlad the Impailer- who had a collection of ton plus's, almost beating one of the Blagdon's best players, if not for a couple of missed doubles. Clearly player of the night.
The Motto.I had a dream that one day all pubs will be like this.
If you live in Scrumpyshire, or Bristol, you should know this pub. If you don't you must go directly there on reading this, as it is without doubt one of Scrumpyshire's treasured beauty spots. Well the bar is anyway.You Beauty.
I have heard comment about prices of Guiness and maybe lager, but you should not be drinking them here, for this is home to one of the finest collections of Ales and ciders. Tonights choice of indulgence is Weston's scrumpy-aah!
There is however a missing ale, and this was the high topic of the locals- "where's the Bass gone".
Apparently the Bass had been removed for whatever reason, much to the consternation of said locals. I don't have a problem with this, as once after a rather heavy night of bass, I spent most of the next day in the inconvenience, and not of particulary solid one. I shall never drink the backstabbing bilge again, although it was very nice.
Onto the darts. Sadly I can't remember much of this night, other than Katy and Gnasher played well, winning both there singles and as a pair, speaking of which Vlad impailed with equal gusto, narrowly missing a win. I lost a doubles with M3, but won my singles, and I think the match drifted off to defeat in a haze of cider fumes.Quality
Although the match was gone, the scrumpy fueled repartee continued,-a cracking night.
Sometime Friday, several hours after body awake my small brain returned to point out I was missing my darts. I had recently changed darts- much to team annoyance, but thats another story too long for now- and must have left the new darts at the Motto. A quick phone call to confirm they're safety and another visit to Motto was in order.
Seeing an opportunity to kill two birds with one, I took Mrs Gecko out for a spot of lunch. The Motto is in Barrow Gurney, some miles from Scrumpy Town, so a drive is required. Thinking Mrs G would drive home I was looking forward to trying some of those fine ales I had ignored for the cider. But alas I had forgotten Mrs G's liking for real ale, and she was in the pub before I had locked the car, and by the time I had gained entry she was already discussing the virtues of real ale with the landlord, and had already started on his recommendation. A dry lunch for me.
Turns out the landlord had been playing with my darts(this is not a euphemism Gnasher), and likes them. I point out they are 26g Bristow copies and the web site I bought them off. "Web what?", was the retort from the landlord.
We leave pub with £22 from landlord and a request to get him a set of Bristow's. Clearly we are going to be returning with darts and I can feel some free beers coming my way.
A week passed, darts arrived and Mrs G and I are in the car for another lunch time attack of the Motto.
The manner in which young Gecko 2 never ties the laces of his trainers has always been a bit of an irritant, but had I adopted his mode of wearing footwear, I wouldn't have stopped outside the pub to tie my laces. In the brief time it took to do this Mrs G had two free pints and a "half for the driver" lined up in the bar.
The Motto has some great ales, some tastey scrumpy, but I'm not a fan of the lemonade!
Next- The darts team return to the Drum, new winter season, maybe some new faces, but no Idris or Tattoo. 1st match Sept 3rd
Skittles- The Beernecessities move venues for first time in over 15 years. 1st match Sept 11th at home.

The Beers Bury The Blockbusters

Blockbusters should stick to Quiz's
We meet The Blockbuster in the cup again. This year we have got the better of them in the league, but in the past we have always failed against them in cup matches. This has to stop.
Tricky night for me as The Sexy Bristols also have a darts match at the other end of the Earth.
As a result Mrs G has agreed to drive us over to darts later, (thank-you).
Mrs G and The Model Y open our attack with a solid 84. Mrs G with 38, and Y with an excellent 46. We lead by 5 pins. The 1933 Model Y, think we might be making these again soon.
Points are irrelevant in cup games so will be no mention. I played now with M3/452, but was poor hitting the 3rd worst score of our team with 31. M3 held us up with a fine 39, deserved more, but we still pulled out another 5 pins. We now leave venue to battle for the Sexy Bristols.
Unfortunately we have temporarily robbed the team of captain Mrs G, and rudderless we flounder a bit. Guinevere without a quiver hits 27, The Weld misses the spot with a 26. The team drop 10 pins, and its all level.
Next on we have The Prof and The Whistler. With a slide-rule and a little tune they notch up a 37 and a 40, and we pull out another 5 pins.
Our penultimate pairing of Lancelot and Toyah score a very reasonable 40 and 38, another 2 pins profit. We are now 7 pins up going in to the last pair.
We play our usual anchor pair of Chippy Minton and The Wizard, but they will be up against Captain Peacock and his preferred partner Mr Humphries. These 2 (much as I dislike them) have won the Scrumpy Town pairs competition before, and as such need to be treated with some skittling respect.
Chippy on the other hand chose to show no respect and took the pick axe straight out the bag with a stonking 46. Backed up with solid 34 from The Wiz. Mr Humphries failed with a dismal 31, while Captain Peacock crashed and burned with a 26. Chippy and Wiz pulled 23, match won by 30. Two 46's kitty rollover.
"Are you free Mr Humphries?". Well he will be free on semi-final night when we play The Newcomers.On Your Knees Blockbusters.

Darts, Monday Drum v's Waggon, bad day for Bluto.

Stikingly good likeness
Cup semi final for the Drum Monday night team against The Waggon and Horses. A strange cup this one. The first player competes over 5 legs 501, all legs count, then we play a doubles match over 5 legs, followed by a triples over 5 legs. 15 legs available, first to 8 is going to win.
We open with Bubbles as our singles player, he will be playing The Thief, who is also captain. Bubbles puts up a good fight losing 3-2, but the last leg could have gone either way. In the doubles I am playing with Elvis, and this match would turn out to be the turning point. We are playing The Bream (freshwater fish), and Popeye Natch. The Bream is a reliable but rarely exciting player, Popeye the opposite. Unlike the cartoon Popeye, whose source of strength comes from spinach, this Popeye relies on Natch. This is not scrumpy, and you might lose your friends.
Natch is not Scrumpy, but is a fairly strong bottled or canned fizzy fighting cider. With the right quantity Popeye is a very good darts player, but he can go too far. If he's tripping over the oche, not sure where he is, he's dangerous. Tonight he has brought his own supply, coat pockets brimming with litre bottles of Natch.
Luckily for Elvis and myself he has gone too far, not even too sure where the board is. We win first 2 legs comfortably.No help for Popeye
Bluto, Popeye's sometime friend, sometime nemesis, is at this time struggling to control his temper. Bluto is a big man who likes to mix his drinks, but whose temperment has often come into question. As Elvis and I take the next leg, Bluto cannot help himself and is now shouting and threatening Popeye, and will soon be joined by the Thief. The Bream, now shedding scales, manages to take the 4th leg, but with no Olive to turn to, and his team mates turning on him Popeye's pipe goes out and we take the last leg.
Our triples are The Wanderer, Trigger and Bonnie Tyler. They face Bluto and two other pirates. We lose the first leg and now lead 6-5. In the next leg the Wanderer is struggling, but Triggs and Bonnie are playing well, and despite Bluto's side getting to their double first, but missing, Wanderer changes the game. With 28 left he manages to throw one dart in the tyre, one dart in the wall, and with the last hits double 14. This hurts Bluto big time. Drum lead 7-5. The next leg goes much the same as the last, yet again Wanderer struggling, but Bonnie leaves him 60. As before TheWanderer hits the tyre with first dart, then hits 20 followed in lightning by double 20. The Drum win 8-5, we explode with cheering, Bluto explodes out the exit, Hoorah. Waggon refuse to play last 2 legs.
For the Waggon, quote Bonnie Tyler- "Its a Heartache".Hmm, still good.