Crabs- decapod crustaceans, also good at skittles

Scrumpy United Football Club
Last Wednesday was Scrumpy's first skittles match in 3 weeks.
For those not familiar with the game, its a bit like ten pin bowling, except we have 9 pins in the shape of a diamond. We use 3 balls on each throw, and have 6 throws. The teams in Scrumpy Town consist of 12 players, who play in pairs. There are 2 points for each winning pair, and 10 points for the match, a maximum of 22 points available.
Tonights match is against The Crabs, who are one of the friendliest teams. Despite their name, they are not aggressive, do not walk sideways, have no pincers, but may slightly smell of fish.

The United Skittle Alley
This alley is quite tricky to play on as it is somewhat unevenly cambered. Scrumpy says it has been under water on occasions- don't know if thats due to the crabs-game would be quite hard under water, with or without pincers.
The Crabs are very close to us in results, both teams usually finishing somewhere mid table. Last season we finished above them, and thats the way I'd like it to stay.
We opened with Mrs Gecko, who, as captain has hand picked tonights side from the finest available. Not sure how she comes to the order, but its not done on who has drunk the most scrumpy. I have suggested this, and further, that you should not be allowed to play without first partaking of the succullent fermented juice of the apple. Apparently my sggestions have been noted, and duely filed, somewhere.
Mrs G's partner is the Magic E. G was consistant with only 1 slight hiccup, scoring 42, E, after a nervous start rose to the occasion hitting 35. We are in front and have 2 points. Next up we have Florence Nightingale and Sir Lancelot. Florence was our first casualty of the alley- maybe her lamp was a bit dim- more parafin required, score 24. Lancelot did not fare much better with a 32. To be honest I didn't follow much of this or the next pair, being drawn unhealthily towards the bar.
Nothing of interest here, forced to the large black and white pump, another night on the Guinness.
3rd pairing of The Whistler and the Prof also lost with fairly respectable scores, 35 and 42. we are now down 4-2 in points. Its now my go, and under my rules I should be dropped for not drinking cider. I am partnered with Model T, who is drinking cider, all be it one of those new yuppie ciders from a bottle that needs ice to take the taste away. Still, he is playing by the rules and should be commended for that. We put up a good fight, me with 47 and the model with 40, but we still lose. Now 6-2 down and 15 pins. Its not looking like our night.
Next up we have Toyah and Nelson, very reliable players, however both driving,(see scrumpy rule) so should be prohibited. Toyah gets us our first spare, and goes on to get 48, Nelson gets 39, and we win this pair. Just thought, Toyah and Nelson both wanted to be free, but this has nothing to do with this pairing, in fact its a different Nelson.
Last up is Chippy Minton and the Wizard. Chippy gets our next spare to finish with team highscore of 51, taking the kitty. The Wizard finishes with 43.
Apparently the last 2 sets were very exciting, however the Guinness has got me now, and I can remember nothing of the finale except being told to cheer.
Mrs G has pointed out my state is another example of why my rules would not work.
We win 16-6, and by some pins? hoorah.
The Crabs retreat back into their shell. I haven't got a photo of that, so here's the scoreboard.