Divison Singles @ Warrens Holiday Village

Warrens Holiday Village
Thurs 12th Feb and its divisional singles for the Congs dart league. This year to be held at Warrens Holiday village. The photo is very deceiving, and the venue is larger inside, with 10 darts boards. The Sexy Bristols- team Scrumpy plays for on a Thursday night- have entered 8 players, with every confidence of making it to the first round, although it is a large venue and after a couple of drinks we are quite capable of getting lost. The Sexy Bristols will not be entering University Challenge.
Our eight superstars of darts, in no particular order, are- Mickey Murphy(see end for clues), Idris the Dragon, Model-T( the first mass produced darts player, capable of playing on 160 proof alcohol, and contrary to myth, is available in colours other than black),Gnasher,Scrumpy,M3,Katy andThe Missing Link.
There is no scrumpy for sale hereAfter some stunning practice Scrumpy fails to turn up for his game, scoring little more than 26's, perhaps the Guinness is off. Model-T played at the same time, couldn't see game, but he lasted longer then me. Katy played well with some big scores, but still lost, as did Murphy, although Murph had chances to win- the bun was in the oven and he just left it to burn.
The only player with any fire was Idris, who after hitting 7 bulls to decide who will start, played local legend The Bull Turner. After some stunning darts Idris turned the bull to cheers of, "taxi for Bull Turner".
M3 and Gnasher had byes, so we now have 3 players through to next round.
The Missing Link missed, and was seen leaving through a side exit before his turn to check. Not a counter maybe.
M3 and Gnasher both go out in this round, M3 to top player The Hat, Gnasher to some bloke from Weston.
" I could of had' im, I really could. Should of had 'im". Next year for Gnasher.
Idris is spitting flames now and goes on to a collection of victories before facing The Hat at a board final stage. The Hat snuffs out Idris's pilot and its all over for the Bristols.
With all the team out and gone home, I find myself back at the bar to see which 4 players go on from tonight to make the finals night. Its a bit diificult to see through the beer glass, but the winners are The Hat, and 3 chaps from The Glasshouse in Nuttersea, a neighbouring town to Scrumpy.
It is recommended not to visit pubs in Nuttersea without an interpreter.
It is possible to live at the Warrens site. To do this succesfully you must asume the life of a rabbit. I do have the ears for this but Mrs G says I am lacking in other departments.

Mr Murphy is a master baker,
Pudding pies and pastry maker,
Biscuits buns or birthday cake,
Everything is marvellous that Murphy makes

Driving along with the bakers man,
In a rackety, tackety baker's van.
Each loaf and cake the bakers bake,
Will roll and shake,
As our rounds we make.
With the baker man,
In the baker's van
The rackety tackety baker's van.

Crabs- decapod crustaceans, also good at skittles

Scrumpy United Football Club
Last Wednesday was Scrumpy's first skittles match in 3 weeks.
For those not familiar with the game, its a bit like ten pin bowling, except we have 9 pins in the shape of a diamond. We use 3 balls on each throw, and have 6 throws. The teams in Scrumpy Town consist of 12 players, who play in pairs. There are 2 points for each winning pair, and 10 points for the match, a maximum of 22 points available.
Tonights match is against The Crabs, who are one of the friendliest teams. Despite their name, they are not aggressive, do not walk sideways, have no pincers, but may slightly smell of fish.

The United Skittle Alley
This alley is quite tricky to play on as it is somewhat unevenly cambered. Scrumpy says it has been under water on occasions- don't know if thats due to the crabs-game would be quite hard under water, with or without pincers.
The Crabs are very close to us in results, both teams usually finishing somewhere mid table. Last season we finished above them, and thats the way I'd like it to stay.
We opened with Mrs Gecko, who, as captain has hand picked tonights side from the finest available. Not sure how she comes to the order, but its not done on who has drunk the most scrumpy. I have suggested this, and further, that you should not be allowed to play without first partaking of the succullent fermented juice of the apple. Apparently my sggestions have been noted, and duely filed, somewhere.
Mrs G's partner is the Magic E. G was consistant with only 1 slight hiccup, scoring 42, E, after a nervous start rose to the occasion hitting 35. We are in front and have 2 points. Next up we have Florence Nightingale and Sir Lancelot. Florence was our first casualty of the alley- maybe her lamp was a bit dim- more parafin required, score 24. Lancelot did not fare much better with a 32. To be honest I didn't follow much of this or the next pair, being drawn unhealthily towards the bar.
Nothing of interest here, forced to the large black and white pump, another night on the Guinness.
3rd pairing of The Whistler and the Prof also lost with fairly respectable scores, 35 and 42. we are now down 4-2 in points. Its now my go, and under my rules I should be dropped for not drinking cider. I am partnered with Model T, who is drinking cider, all be it one of those new yuppie ciders from a bottle that needs ice to take the taste away. Still, he is playing by the rules and should be commended for that. We put up a good fight, me with 47 and the model with 40, but we still lose. Now 6-2 down and 15 pins. Its not looking like our night.
Next up we have Toyah and Nelson, very reliable players, however both driving,(see scrumpy rule) so should be prohibited. Toyah gets us our first spare, and goes on to get 48, Nelson gets 39, and we win this pair. Just thought, Toyah and Nelson both wanted to be free, but this has nothing to do with this pairing, in fact its a different Nelson.
Last up is Chippy Minton and the Wizard. Chippy gets our next spare to finish with team highscore of 51, taking the kitty. The Wizard finishes with 43.
Apparently the last 2 sets were very exciting, however the Guinness has got me now, and I can remember nothing of the finale except being told to cheer.
Mrs G has pointed out my state is another example of why my rules would not work.
We win 16-6, and by some pins? hoorah.
The Crabs retreat back into their shell. I haven't got a photo of that, so here's the scoreboard.

Snow- you can't eat it, and you can't drink it.

Last Week, some good and some bad.
The good- Sunday, Somerset 9 aside darts, held in Bath. Struggled to get to event, deciding not to take one train, and then missing the next- and this is before a drink. Mrs Gecko came to rescue providing wheels. I arrived in time to be greeted by large queue at bar, one barman, no scrumpy.
The queue did provide time to decide on liquid for the day.
It was 11.30am, with the lack of real ale, that must be Guinness time. I bought two.
The 9 aside consists of all the superleague teams in Somerset, playing a straight knock out, over nine boards, so everyone in your team will play at the same time.
I found my captain, who for a change wasn't disappointed to see me- turns out we are a player short, would have been two. We are allowed to borrow a spare player from another team.
Sadly I don't get to finish my game. I'm at 2-2 in legs, but 5 of my team mates have lost, so the match is stopped. Later there is a triples and singles competition. My triples got through first round, but failed at the next. Finally got to play my singles some time after 7-00pm, and lost.
I now have no idea how many pints of Guinness have been drunk, but its clearly time for home.
Manage to buy a ticket for train and get on the right one, however a change at Bristol Temple Meads will be required. The change should have been simple, had it not been for the chocolate vending machine.
I normally don't pay much attention to vending machines, but the mutual attraction between this chocolate machine and myself was clear. I needed sustenance, and this machine needed to provide.... chocolate!
I started with a twin Mars bar, handy because you can eat one, and keep the other bar for later.
They were both gone in seconds, so I went for the healthy option- a bounty, it has coconut so must be good for you. I still had change left but the train announcement took away any further options. Now it really was time for home, and hopefully I'd be able to keep the contents of my stomach.
The Bad- Thursday night darts league game cancelled due to Snow.