YE OLDE KINGS HEAD

Taxi to Old Kings Head

Not a good start, as usual I'm late and have had to run round to The Anglias house(renamed The Focus) to get taxi.

The Focus and I are joined in the Taxi with new player for blog- Oche tha noo, a foreigner from north of the border. Tonight's match is a short journey down the M5 to the Kings Head in Worle.

Worle is now mostly a housing estate on the edge of Weston-Sinking-Mud, the district town of North Scrumpyshire.

The Focus and Oche at the bar.

Above is rare photo of The Focus at the bar trying to find his wallet while Oche blows the cobwebs away. Watching is one of the opposition who has never see a wallet with five padlocks before.

Tonight's tipple is a favourite, Thatchers Traditional cider(rough). Oche tha noo has gone for the Guinness. I love a pint of Guinness, but when there's Thatch trad on offer, there's no decision. The trad is unreliable as to its alcohol level, but must presume its at least 6%- could be a bit tipsy.

The match gets under way with Gnasher starting for us. He is playing Slow Hand, and despite hitting a 125 and a 100, Slow comes back with a 180 and another 121, and takes Gnasher 2 nil.

Next up is Oche tha noo, up against Bob-H, who proves too tough on this occasion with Oche still suffering the aftermath of southern flu. Apparently it's too cold down here for him. Game On

Katy on third, we're 2 down and need some hope. The Legendary Katy turns back the clock with a 180 to take first leg. In the second leg he hits a 135 and a 125 but loses. In final leg its more Legendary darts, 2x140's and 115 to leave a 16 finish. Stress builds, double 8 required, but Legendary hits double 16, and then does it again on his next return. The Legend feels no pressure and eventually finishes the leg. We are 2-1 down on game.

The Legendary Katy stays on for the first pair and is joined by Gnasher. In a close game they defeat Slow Hand and Show Some Respect, we are 2 all.

Oche and Nellie the Elephant (previously Big stick, but it was a good singalong) are our 2nd pair, but fail to trumpet, and we go 3-2 down. I pair with Murphy the baker, and the flour is flying as Murph wins the bull. Sadly the cake doesn't rise and Murphs struggling. I hit a lucky 180 and Murphy puts the icing on, we 're 3-3.

I'm on in the in the next round of singles against bomber Harris. Under guidance from Gnasher I sneak the 1st leg, lose the second, then completely run out of steam in the last. While, bomber on 130, releases his smart bomb to finish 130 on a bull. My weapons are useless.

Paddy Murphy next, against Show Some Respect. Must be too much yeast for Paddy, and its all over, another defeat. We look to Vlad the Impaler for some glory in the last match, and although she stakes some tons, its another leg lost.

Post Defeat Nosh, egg sarnies still good

After the darts The focus and I take on the locals at pool, and prove to them its not just darts we're crap at, we can lose at pool just as easy.During the pool I seem to have had an extra pint of rough, and that's exactly how I feel for the next 24 hours.

New Section- The Art of Dart.

In the Art of Dart I will attempt to show the artistic side of pub sport. This weeks offering is a still life.

The Conflict.

In the Conflict I have tried to show the confusion between food,(egg sarnies), and Cider. Using the Thatchers pump, and the grub provided by the good of the Kings Head.

Should one eat the egg sandwich before drinking the cider, or should the scrumpy be finished before the food. Its a tale of contamination. The egg, through a process of wash back from the teeth will appear floating in the cider between sips. Although unsightly, this does help to avoid cases of Hamptonitis, or Shammyitis, where your drink mysteriously disappears down anothers throat.

So the solution- Don't Think, Just Drink.

Photo that has just come to light of end of 2009/2010 season, where The Drum and Monkey gain promotion to the Congresbury Premier.

Sadly this would be the last time M3/452 would play for us, moving counties. The scrumpy of Scrumpyshire was to dangerous a draw for him, and he now resides in sleepy Dorset with a pint of homely warm real ale and a pair of slippers.

Gremlins- More Like Mogawai.

Looks can be deceiving

Gremlins- not to be exposed to bright lights, don't get it wet, and don't play it at skittles after midnight.

You wouldn't want to shine a light on this Gremlins skittles team , they're already wet, and we're not worried what time we play them. OK in the film it was don't feed after midnight, but this lot have already eaten all the pies .

Before I get onto the match, a brief update about the last "missing" year.

The Beers changed venue, moving from the Waggon to the Bermuda Triangle club.

The Bermuda Triangle has mistakenly been thought to exist in the Atlantic Ocean, near the West Indies. In fact it is a social club in the centre of Scrumpy Town, "where people disappear, don't go to near!"

Well turns out its true, and we lost M3 and Florence Nightingale. Rumour has it they have surfaced in Dorset, nice county if you like lager, probably with a dash of lime. That's not really fair, they like to think they make cider, but the best ones still have to be imported from Scrumpyshire. But as a neighbouring county, its not bad for the weekend.

Onto the match. The opener of a new season, against a previously successful team that have won the league on numerous occasions, well at least twice, I think.

We start with a new old player, that is he did play for the Beers a few year ago. We welcome back the Organ Grinder , and partner him with Nelson. This should be a strong start, and despite an iffy first down of 5 and 4, both players exceed expectations, both hitting a spare, and ending with 47 a piece. We lead by 30, ssh.

We only got the organ grinder, but I'm hoping the monkey can play darts.
Next up is Guinevere and the Weld. Good play by both players, Guin hitting a spare on the last to score an excellent 46, ("she's a pot hunter"), the Weld 37, and we pull another 2 pins. Ssh.

Although having played for a year with the Beers, it was the missing year, so Tommy Lee Jones is new to the blog. He's partnered with the unpredictable Airbus. Tommy starts with a 3, but picks it up to finish with 39. Airbus takes off, but soon crashes, and with 27 going in to the last we have the chance of losing double figures. But we have confidence in the wings and he gets a 15 spare on the last go to finish with 42. We only drop 5 and are still 27 up.

Lancelot is up next with the model 8, who in the last year has moved onto the Anglia. Both start with 8's, and continue strongly, Lance getting a spare to score 54, taking the pot away from his good lady Guinevere, something that happens at home a lot I understand. Anglia gets a reliable 42, and the pair pull 20 pins. No need to ssh!, its all gone very quiet from the Gremlins end.

Reliable?

I'm on with Toyah(in my dreams) next. We both play well, I score 48 and Toyah 42, we pull another 7 pins. Tonights choice of tipple is Doom Bar.

“The aroma of Doom Bar combines an accomplished balance of spicy resinous hop, inviting sweet malt and delicate roasted notes. The mouth feel is a perfectly balanced and complex blend of succulent dried fruit, lightly roasted malty notes and a subtle yet assertive bitterness. The bitterness remains into the finish with dry fruity notes which implore the drinker to go back for more.” Yes, drunk again.

We're up to the last set, 54 pins up and only having dropped 2 points.Game in the bag, but still 2 points for Chippy and the Wizard to play for.

Suggested safety equipment for Gremlins

Most of the Gremlins have left the building at this stage, with defeat staring them in the face, they have deserted the ship more like rats than Gremlins. Chippy starts well with a 9 and an 8. The same cannot be said for the Wizard who starts with two 4's. Having spent a lot of the evening baiting the Gremlins the Wizard now has their full attention.

"Talks a good f ' game, but can't play for sh'!" Censored. Yes they've found their voice, and are beginning to see 2 points to be gained from the last set.

Chippy increases his game with a spare, but sadly its a 9 spare, and the Gremlins now take out some heavy heckling to put off the Wizard, who after two 4's appears to be succumbing. This is probably the wrong way to put off the Wizard, and after a good dose of his own medicine he's rejuvenated back to the normal venom and hits an 18 spare. The Gremlins are now treated to some apt gestures from the Wiz- I've no sympathy, play with fire etc, they have brought the next 15 minutes on themselves, and as predicted Chippy and Wiz open up with more 8's and 9's. The wiz with hand to ear and " all gone quiet over there!" etc. For the rest of the game there really is nowhere to hide for the remaining Gremlins. Chippy 50, Wizard 48.

New look for Gremlins next year.

We finish with a huge 542 pins scored, and 20 points, dropping just 2 points.
The Gremlins finish- very quietly!Maybe next time we should play them after midnight to give them a chance.

This is closer to the ones we played.